Anxiety, new meds and feeling nothing.

I had my first real panic attack less than a week ago and it was frightening. I thought I was dying. I've never felt anything like that before in my life. Sure, I've had bouts of anxiety that would stay with me for days on end, but never had it presented itself in the way that it did last Sunday. 

Of course, I realize I'm not the only person dealing with this. In fact, more often than not, a person has some form of anxiety. 

I was prescribed Celexa and told to take it every day and that, in about two to three weeks, it would start working. Two days in and I feel 100 times worse than I did before I started taking it. I've slept the last two days away (including Thanksgiving) and I've no appetite whatsoever. If you know me, you know I love to eat so that's a problem in and of itself. I also have no desire to do anything. Barely have any desire to get out of bed half the time and when I do, it's for ten minutes at a time, max. How does this help? 

I'm a writer. I make things up for a living. I create fake worlds and tell fake stories, I've been doing it my entire life. And now? In two days, I have no desire to do any of it. I keep looking at my pile of laundry and walking right past it. Sure, I've never liked laundry, but I still do it. 

They say your body knows whether or not something is working for you or if it isn't. I feel bad, on one hand, because it's been two days and I'm like, "I have to give this chance," but on the other hand, all of the side effects ...are they worth it? The mood swings, loss of appetite, flu like symptoms, extreme fatigue and drowsiness and lack of interest in the things I love to do. Are they really worth it?

I emailed the doc so we'll see what she says. But for now, I'm going to go with my gut and say fuck these meds because I would rather deal with my anxiety head on than sleep my days away and become a pod person. 

Until next time...