People who meet me now see an entirely different person than I was just a few short years ago. I've been told I'm sweet and kind and caring. Just yesterday, I was told that I was, "a big teddy bear."
These are things I've heard on a constant basis, yet they're not things I'm used to hearing.
I was hardened; completely and utterly hardened. My heart was no factor. I chose not to feel. To those who were strangers, I was cold. I was calculating. I immediately turned my head and acknowledged no one. Everyone was an enemy, so to speak.
The continuous loss of loved ones and friends will do that to you, I suppose.
But here's the thing: I realized, somewhere along the way, that it wasn't the best way to be. I learned that caring doesn't make you weak. That crying actually shows your strength. I learned that it felt better to smile at a stranger. Having people fear me wasn't the best feeling in the world.
I slowly learned to melt away the hard exterior.
Today, I'm probably the most emotional woman. Or one of them, at least, but that's okay. I don't mind that I cry when things affect me. It's therapy. I smile and actually allow happiness to surround me. I look for happiness and I always notice the little things.
I appreciate so much now and it's almost overwhelming, the feeling of happiness. This may not be surprising at all, but it makes me cry.
Maybe that's what growing up is all about though, yea? Learning to love, to appreciate and to overall grow into someone who is caring, loving and genuine.
If that's true, well, I guess I'm doing something right.
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